Parenting. Well, I've heard all the old timers out there telling me, "oh, they grow up so fast!" or "I can't believe she did that!" or something of the kind. I guess I believed them all, but in reality, the seemingly trite phrases do not convey the emotions that go along with them - for me, anyway.
Why do I bring this up? Not because my girls are growing up - I think that's fun and beautiful. But because Miss A started preschool. And when she does great, I feel like the worlds best mother and caregiver. But when she gets in trouble, well, I just feel embarrassed and like I'm doing everything wrong. I'm pretty sure Miss A is a type A personality and I'd like tips on how to work with her. She's getting into the "No." phase of life - she says no, but now she means it. And really won't give in. And you can only pick so many battles. And you can only give so many threats or rewards or consequences.
So, friends, with your experience, or even non-experience, what do you do to raise a 3 year old without feeling guilt?
5 comments:
I am SO there with Isaiah right now.
The way I deal with it is to make everything incredibly black and white. This infraction equals this consequence. I do this, not for his learning and growth, but because in the heat of the moment I'm pretty sure I would sentence him to the guillotine for being snotty if I hadn't already decided on the consequence.
But, at the same time, I also feel that great acts of mercy go a long way. Isaiah, at least, needs to see my love in blatant ways throughout the day and that helps him behave better. So a candy corn snuck into his little fist when his brother isn't looking, buys me 20 minutes of good behavior. I reward his good behavior before it happens. When Asher was in this phase I used to tackle him to the ground and hug him for a minute straight. He needed some time from me, then he would be a better boy.
That's my take. Good luck!
I've realized that a lot of things really don't matter. I remind myself that every time I say "no," I have a battle, which makes me rethink what I say no too. Three is a cruddy age, and four isn't any better!
First, you have to remember that she will always behave better for people OTHER than you. Second, don't be embarassed when she misbehaves, this is not a direct reflection of your parenting skills. There is a certain amount of misbehavior that is inherent in the creature that we call the three year-old. Miss A is VERY bright, and her brain goes a million miles a minute, and it's hard for her behavior to catch up. Luckily, Sophie was my third so I had a while longer than you to realize that not everything is as bad as it seems! Just remember that she is still only three!
That said, I have found with Soph that a "3 strikes" approach tends to work well. I have to be very stern with her. First time, I ask nicely and say please. Second time, I repeat myself sternly, and if I have to say it a third time, she's "out", directly to her room. It sill gives her a minute to think things through.
Oh, and I know I am biased, but I think Miss A is a gem!!
I think 6 is harder, so there is something for you to look forward too ;) We have "warm fuzzy" jars. I love them! Each of my kids has their own jar that they decorated and made all their own. They then can earn "warm fuzzies" (colored art pom poms) When the jar is full thay get a reward (I let them pick the reward at the beginning so it is what they want to earn) Some ideas for prizes are silly bands, a $5 or less toy at Target, $2 to the dollar store, or a kids meal at McDonalds. They earn their warm fuzzies by doing chores, being good listeners, having good days at school, listening the first time they are asked to do something. I have a key printed out on the fridge with pictures and a number next to them. The picture is the activity, chore, or action and the number is how may warm fuzzies they earn. They also earn an extra if they do something without being asked. It takes about a month to fill the jar. Shorter if they really get excited about earning the fuzzies. The other nice thing is you can keep a stash in the diaper bag and reward her as you are out running errands. I used to think that once a child had earned something that it should not be taken away, however, I read something that helped me see a different perspective, in that as adults if we break rules we have consequences that usually result in our money being taken away or a "fine" so if my boys are not listening, hit, or have other issues that need a consequence, they are "fined" a warm fuzzy and lose one out of their jar. This has been very effective. (I still have to do time outs and thinking time but this seems to help)Anyway, this is a long post, but this is what I have found works for me and I can do it with all three boys and cater it to meet their different ages. We are now on the third round of filling the jars and they are still excited about it.
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