Everyone knows that life changes when your family changes - marriage, birth, death, people moving away, people coming to stay, and so on. People throughout the world can commiserate and understand one another when it comes to this change. I have found, however, that we are expected to be strong and semi-emotionless when it comes to change; like it doesn't shake us up at all and that we are able to adjust immediately to the new life we have inherited. Why are such expectations inflicted upon us? Is that a societal thing? Is it an American thing? Is it even a thing or have I imagined it?Anyway, the reason I'm sharing is that I, for years, said that I could deal well with change and that death was a part of life and friends and enemies move away, and I've had tons of people meander through my life and it is all an adventure. I believed that about myself until marriage and birth entered my field of play. To sum up, I have a new little one and it is hard. The change is hard. The adjustment is rough. I don't like sharing these feelings because I worry that people will judge me harshly. Well, this post is here so everyone who has ever had a hard time adjusting to a new baby, or just anything new, can validate me in my belief that change takes time, and during that time, we are allowed to feel the full array of emotions that go with change.
and for those of you who need viewing pleasure:
Easter at the grandparents house: my little Miss A found the lemon pie and sank her fingers into it. Girl after my own heart.
It was a beautiful day and my girl spent the day enjoying the outdoors with her uncle.
The baby girl, spent her time being snuggled by everyone.
10 comments:
Adding a new baby is always so hard! You are definitely not alone. And I sure hope that people don't judge when someone is struggling with a new baby. Because I sure let everyone I came in contact with know that I was dying! :)
change is always hard-I agree whole heartedly-but somehow we make it through and it all gets better. I love the picture of your girls on the top of your blog.
First off, I ADORE that new blog title pic!
And I think you're right that people expect us to just handle change and such. You're allowed like, a day, and then you're suppose to be "fine". BUT that's pretty messed up. Life is stinkin' hard! - Sometimes whether you've got major changes going on or not! - And I think that among good friends you are always allowed to be 100% truthful. Personally, I want to know how you're *really* doing - not the glossed over happy-fied version.
New babies are super-duper hard! You're sleep deprived and physically not great and babies change their habits 3 seconds faster than you can figure out their schedule. They're demanding and ungrateful. Life is in constant motion for at least the first three months and sometimes way longer than that.
So I say shout it out to the world, "Life is way hard right now!" And maybe if you're lucky, somebody will hear you and come help or at least send sympathy.
Consider this me sending sympathy. And you know that if I was there Little Miss A would be coming over for a sleepover at my house right now.
I've never handled change very well. Some change is easier than other, but in my opinion, it all sucks. My mom always joked that the one constant in life is change. I've never liked that "slogan". I never wanted to believe it.
And I think adding a new life and watching how that new life (though precious she may be) changes the dynamics of everyone else's live is really hard. I cried almost every night for the first couple weeks of Ethan's life...not because I didn't love him, but because I hated seeing how hard that change was on my little girl. I worried that our relationship would never be the same...that she would never forgive me. It was hard. Really hard.
I don't really have any wise words. And I won't say that I know how you're feeling, because I don't know exactly how you're feeling. All I can say is hang in there. I hope it gets easier soon.
I thought the first month with my first (and only child at this point) was hard. I can only imagine adding a second! I remember hurting all over, not getting enough sleep, and having a baby who cried a lot. I wondered during that time how anyone could have more than one child. Now I know that it is tough in the beginning but it does get better!!! Hopefully things will start to get easier sooner than later for you! Good luck!
Wow. I know exactly what you mean about being expected to be semi-emotionless and act like we're not shaken up by the change. Having a newborn is so hard. I didn't find having my second one any easier of a change than my first one. Everything was just as hard, even though I'd done it all before.
Before I had kids, I used to watch A Baby Story on TLC. After I had my first baby, I remember feeling bitter and resentful toward all those happy people with new babies. Their babies seemed so content. They were sweet and peaceful while being bathed, and my baby screamed her head off in the bath! And most other times of the day.
Sometimes it seems like other people aren't fazed by the big changes, but like you, they probably really are. That's good to know. Thanks for your honesty!
YES!! I WISH someone would have told me how HARD it would be to adjust to #2!! I had a complete and totaly breakdown when Jacob was about 2 months old. I'm sure you are doing the best you can - and that's all you can expect of yourself. Let yourself cry. Let yourself scream. Do what it takes to let the emotions ride. It will pass. It is so very hard. I'm sure you're doing a GREAT job! Good luck. I love you.
You're completely normal and it is great to let it all out. I came from a family that never talked about problems, therfore, it has been an adjustment to admit that I don't feel good and it's ok! My adjustment with Emery was really hard 'cause I was in a really small place without family and a car...but it got over.
Remember, we can do hard things and it doesn't mean we have to be happy about it at the same time. This too shall pass...hope you feel better soon! Can't wait to come see you guys in a couple weeks - can't wait to help you out all I can!:)
Babies are hard, but their smiles make it all worth it=) Such cute little girls you have. Hope you are having a good day. We need to get all of our little girls together and then maybe between the two of us we can handle them all. lol, maybe. =)
I agree, having a new baby is always hard! And so is change. As much as I adored the baby and loved having a newborn, I would always mourn a little (okay, sometimes a lot) for the way things were before--when it was just me and Ryan, or when it was just us and Tucker, or just us and the boys. Luckily, those feelings pass and we all adjust!
By the way, I caught a little glimpse of your babe during sacrament meeting and she's adorable! I'll have to check her out closer up soon.
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