how i've been feeling

I've always been person with a healthy imagination - one who likes to spend time building a story and weaving the various outcomes in my mind. Every person I meet becomes a character in some story of mine - generally a mystery of some sort, but romance, comedy, tragedy are all options and possibilities in my stories.
However, when something very real happens, I can't escape to my imaginary world and the comfort and playfulness that can come with it. Some of the very real moments: my first night in my new apartment after getting married and being alone (my man had to work the night shift all week). Childbirth. Being in the hospital, waiting for my husband to get out of surgery. And now, my brothers funeral. It all seems very surreal and the feelings - I've always imagined how people feel when they are alone or holding their first child. I've imagined what it would be like to get 'that phone call', but to experience it has made me feel things that are new and I feel old tonight.
I know I'm not old. But processing new emotions is a weighty matter, as it turns out. I've been exhausted all week and I just feel worn. I know after a while it will sink in, I will adjust, I'll grow up a bit, and I'll maybe understand a bit, but right now, I feel old, and at the same time, like a child learning new things.